i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
