I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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