true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?