I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You left your phone here
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