Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
