Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
