I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
