I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
