it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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