Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
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passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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