Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
