he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
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I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
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That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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