Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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