Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
