yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
