The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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