I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
