Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
