Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
