I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize