just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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