when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish you could order shots online.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
