So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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