He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
