You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
