I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
