No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
