I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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