You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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