can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
