This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
