My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
