Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
