We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
