the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
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I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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