Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
