This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
