Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
