I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
