there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
