Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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