Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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