Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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