If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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