wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Nobody cheats on THIS.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
