he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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