He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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