I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
