i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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