My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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