She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
