why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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