Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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