apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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