Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
