Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
