I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
