Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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