tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
