reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
