you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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